June 25, 2009

So Friends...

Dear Acquaintance,

We speak casually, once in a while, meeting here and there. I miss you, it has been a long time since we have seen each other. I miss being around someone that loves me, and I love them in return. It may be silly, or childish, but I truly do miss you.

However, it seems to be of the utmost importance that patience is utilized in these situations. I truly do believe we need time apart, we were having the most strange relationship arise. I did not want that. I want to be special to you, I want to be important, and I don't just want to be another number. I can't hold out any longer, this is the only option. I must, and I reitterate, must stave myself from you. Your power over me has become too strong, and this is the only way to save myself from being hurt by you. We must digress, but truly, remember that it is for the greater good.

I wish I could say, or hell, even write all of the little things that I began to fall in love with. But honestly, I cannot tell you these things, for writing them would only make it that much more difficult to stay away. And so I chase these thoughts from my mind, but know that I was thinking of them, which is why we have to refrain from each other.

I don't want to place as much importance on you as I was. You were casually going along, and I was as well: until a point. I must impress upon you again that the reason I feel this way is because I don't want you to hate me. I don't want you to begin dreading me. I always want to be friendly with you, and always have the relationship we have, regardless. We have something special, some kind of connection that I cannot characterize by words. But somehow, I believe it may have something to do with the word: pirate.

I fell in love with you a long time ago. I can name the time, place, and setting. I have had to hold myself back for a long time. And when I couldn't do it anymore, I realized that it was a mistake. So forgive me for that, if you can, friend. That kind of pressure isn't fair.

Why am I telling you this? So you can be less confused. Unfortunately, if this happens to make you even more confused, I can only refer you back to the paragraph above. Call if you like.


June 24, 2009

So yesterday...

So. Feeling a little down right now, but I won't dwell on it too much. Feeling a little...out of place? Not at home? Missing ordinary life? Yes, my feelings are bittersweet, as I wish I could be home right now, back to last summer, or back to two summers ago, when my feelings were confident, my hopes beyond high, and my future secured for the next two years. Isn't that a great feeling? When you know exactly where you are going to be, for how long, and with whom. I am missing that secure feeling Silly, stupid girl, what are you doing? Why are you so down on everything? Yesterday was a fantastic day, and I came here originally to blog about that, so let's get to it, reader.

I was super excited when I was able to help out at my company's photoshoot. Styling beautiful six foot models and helping them get dressed, working alongside my boss. Not just any boss, but my boss boss. This was huge. I believe I made a good impression on her, so hopefully she will remember me later. It was an extrodinary, exceptional day, and I am forever going to keep that happiness in my heart. I was high off of what I was doing: pulling scarves and jewels dripping off necklaces off models and putting them in gorgeous pleated gowns and jumpsuits, made of organza and chiffon. I felt reassured as to why I came out to work here in the first place for the first time in weeks. It's embarrassing to admitt, but honestly, I regretted my decision at first. My expectations were shot down, and I felt I missed my calling. But now, I'm feeling more at home, more preoccupied, and determined now more than ever to work my heart out. I am going to be something, and not let these menial things get my down anymore. There are so many people out there trying to bring you down, but I won't let anyone do that to me, I am much too much worth it. For the first time, in such a long, long, long time: I feel happy single. I feel happy to be appreciating myself again.

I would like to take the time to recommend the book: "Why Men Marry Bitches." Read it. Enjoy it.

I want to meet somebody, I want to live. I want to be a part of something bigger.

June 23, 2009

Best Day in Life EVER

So. Today just happened to be the best day in my life thus far. I am actually beyond sleep at this point, I am so completely exhausted from working nearly a 12 hours work day, but it was so so worth it! But I must sleep, so please let me go and do that, and I will divulge all the juicy info after I awake.

<3 you my fashionable followers!

June 19, 2009

California Comments

Please dear reader, understand that, I love California.

However: there are a few problems with this great state that could flaw me for life.

Example: Whatever mapquest.com says about the distance time ot travel there, multiple it by two.

If the roads are shitty, you are probably not in the hood, you are in Bel-Air.

Do not drive on the 405. Repeat: do NOT drive on the 405.

Pedestrians cross the street at any time, at the slowest pace.

There is absolutely never a place to park on the weekend no matter where you go. If you do park, you must pay, and pay dearly. And the places that there are to park, or "parking lots" are the most poorly structured places besides the roads.

The freeway ramps have a stop light before you can enter the flow of traffic. I don't understand this, and I never will. Ever.

I am really missing NY for the ease of getting around though. And for the shopping.

June 17, 2009

Heaven or Haven?

Hello fashion dears. My fashionable life has taken me so many places so far. Today, it took me to a magical land where all the closets at the company were mine, filled to the brim with trims and jewels and stones and pleated fabrics, at my complete and utter disposal. How did I handle it, you ask? I made rosettes. I made flowers. I made straps and chains. I made petals and blooms. I made art deco. I made romantic. I made ruched bias' and jeweled leaves. I made it all from my imagination. And you know what made it so easy? The fact that all the materials were already there, itching to be chosen, itching to be used. So that is what heaven is like.

There are many heavens to my knowledge, the first being inside the collection library of Zac Posen. The next being an intern at BCBG. The next being an employee at a major fashion magazine. Somewhere in between here is some kind of silly, girly romantic thing to say about some guy, and finally my backyard. Sometimes during spring, it is the most beautiful place on the planet. It could never be home without feeling like heaven.

I just purchased a new bikini from H&M that looks like it has Lucky Charms all over it. And I'm feeling a tad young, perhaps I will get that tattoo...a heart above my hip maybe? Maybe something more personal. I would draw something designery, but honestly, no one could mimic my work enough to be on my body, I'm such a perfectionist I would need to do the tattoo on myself. What babel am I speaking? It's too late babies, it's too late. I must sleep now, but please, have fashionable days until we speak again.


June 13, 2009

Let me slip into something more comfortable...

So, as I was shopping this weekend in Beverly Hills' famous Rodeo Drive, I couldn't resist the design of a Roberto Cavalli knit dress with sheer mesh on the sides. It looked like the dress Hilary Swank wore to the Oscars in 2006. But the coy way Cavalli placed the sheer just caught me off guard. Honestly, the whole collection by Cavalli was stunning, and usually is. I also happened into Armani (such nice people there, especially in the men's department). I always go in to just browse the genius behind the fit, but honestly, who wouldn't? I saw the most interesting fabric on a men's jacket: lamb and leather, perferated to create texture and a bronze-like appearance. So creative.

Side note: California needs a themesong, and you may be thinking it is the song by the Beach Boys, California Girls. But no. I have decided that is a second to the music of Hewey Lewis and the News, a.k.a. all the music from Back to the Future. Also, somewhere in there is Van Halen and Aerosmith. But let's not get too much into music here, I don't want to cause any issues among hardcore fans.

Among my shopping yesterday invovled a trip into Tiffany's. Of course the scenery is always breathtaking, but I go for the people watching. Seeing others completely immersed in the whole jewelry buying decison making process is the most fun. Women smile stupidly at every ring they try on, while every man stands with beads of sweat dripping down his face, all while the children sit and color on a giant Tiffany's gift box. Then the old people: they are disgusted at the whole process; they want to get in and get out, as if they may "catch" the excitement going on in the room.

I also drove up to what I have deemed "Bel-Air Mountain". Of course, the entire time I drove, I kept rapping the Fresh Prince song in my head, but who doesn't? You'd have to be foreign not to when you pass through those gates. It was a fun drvie, but may I please make a suggestion to you, California? Get your roads fixed. Perhaps they aren't worth fixing since earthquakes are so common, but the roads in Bel-Air should be as nice as possible, agreed?

Oh, and the excitement of shopping yesterday quite took me when I found a cute little business/date dress by BCBG Max Azria. Though, I must say on the discussion of BCBG and Herve Ledger: HL definitely needs to be seen ON rather than just on the hanger. Don't get me wrong: the designs are quite chic and are definitely as Michelle Trachtenberg says "get-back-at-your-ex-dresses." But the material and quality looks so poor on the hanger, as opposed to other designers such as Zac Posen or, again, Cavalli, that look so rich and chic already without being on a form.

My plans for today then? I think I will let the moment take me, though I am itching to get out to Sunset. Maybe tonight will be the night I get my tattoo. Tomorrow, San Diego Zoo? Disneyland? Getty's Museum? Knotts Berry Farm? Nappa Valley? Las Vegas?? Who knows?
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